Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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