I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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