is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
