I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
