While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
