after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
