so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
