don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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