White coat. Heels.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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