I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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