she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
