I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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