he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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