I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's rum buckets o'clock
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
