Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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