Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
