Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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