Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
