ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
