Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize