No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
