I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
