Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
