dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
