we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
