I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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