I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
