Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
