Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
