OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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