Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
