I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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