just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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