What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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