If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
