you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
