Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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