It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
