Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
