Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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