what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
