i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
