in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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