My room smells like vodka and shame
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
