trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This baby is an asshole
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
