I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
