my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
