Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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