I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
