I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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