yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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