Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
from now on my penis is your penis
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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