My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
