apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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