we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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