I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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