take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
