lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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