I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
