I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
