I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
