someone get that fucking seahorse.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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