What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
