That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
