dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
