As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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