Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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