I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
