Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
