i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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