You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
