Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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