I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
