How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
