I should be sponsored by Trojan
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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