Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
