what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
