Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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