I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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