So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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