you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
