i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
