I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
