I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
