So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
